Words,
Wit,
and
Wisdom
well, a lot of Words, anyway...
Thoth
THOTH: the "One who Makes Calculations Concerning the Heavens, the Stars, and the Earth", the "Reckoner of Times and Seasons", the one who "Measured out the Heavens and Planned the Earth". He is "He who Balances", the "God of the Equilibrium" and "Master of the Balance". "The Lord of the Divine Body", "Scribe of the Company of Gods", the "Voice of Ra", and the "Author of Every Work on Every Branch of Knowledge, both Human and Divine".
The magical powers of Thoth were so great the the Egyptians had tales of a "Book of Thoth" which would allow a person who read this sacred book to become the most powerful magician in the world. Reading this book, though, which "the god of Wisdom wrote with his own hand", came with a deadly price - bringing pain and tragedy to those who read it, despite finding out about the "secrets of the gods themselves" and "all that is hidden in the stars".
A DIALOGUE
The other night as I was finishing up in the bathroom, getting ready to go to bed, God came to talk with me. Even though his image was bit blurry in its ethereality, I could still see that He wasn't in a very good mood.
"Bob, hold it right there. I've got a bone to pick with you."
I told you, he wasn't in a very good mood...
"Umm, what's the problem?" I asked innocently.
He looked at me sternly for a minute, then began: "Well, for starters, when you looked at me just now, you didn't drop dead or burst into flame, or even lie prostate before me..."
I was relieved to note he didn't have any rubber gloves on, but just to be sure, I asked, "Didn't you mean 'prostrate'?"
"Don't split hairs with me, Son!" he barked. "You know what I meant. But it's typical of you - no respect, none whatsoever!"
I remained silent.
"Listen, Bob, I've heard what you've been saying to people about me, and more importantly, about people giving ME life, giving ME consciousness, and all that. That just won't do!"
"But it's true," I began, "It IS we, all thinking, self-aware life that gives you meaning, existence, or rather...enable you to experience existence. Listen, isn't it true that you're everywhere?"
"Well, yes, of course it is!"
"Well then," I continued, "and it's also true that most of the universe is just 'dead' matter - a rock doesn't wonder what it's doing there or how it got there, it doesn't even really have any sense at all that it's a rock. Only we, living beings, do. Only we ask about those things and have any chance at all of answering them, correct?"
"If you put it that way, well, yes...I suppose you're right in that sense. But..."
"But if that's true, then when we do wonder about things, try to explain things, experience and feel things, isn't then it exactly the same as saying it is the universe wondering about itself? Experiencing itself? I mean, after all, we ARE made up of the stuff of the universe, not separate from it; we're just organized in a way in which the spark of awareness has been lit, and we are able to do those things. Therefore, the universe 'is able' to do these things, YOU are able to do these things. Face it; without us, without conscious, self-aware minds, you'd be dumber than a rock - forever."
God didn't look like he was sure if he appreciated the way this was going or not, but still, he did look a bit thoughtful, even pensive, in a divine sort of way.
"Okay, granted. All that's true," he said, "but still you need someone to believe in, someone to look to for comfort and guidance. Someone to blame when shit happens, someone to thank when it doesn't, and so on. And I kind of like the job. People singing songs all the time to me, asking me favors, my tossing out the occasional miracle here and there..."
"But don't you see? I'm not trying to replace you. I'm trying to, well...how do I put it? Make you more real, I guess, more believable."
He wasn't completely convinced.
"I don't see how you're doing that, Bob. From what I can see, you're eliminating me completely - I'll not only be out of a job, I'll be nothing...less than nothing!"
I was going to say that that's exactly what he was to begin with, quite literally, but I figured that would only complicate things at the moment, so I let it pass.
"Well, you're not looking at it the right way. Essentially, what I am saying is that we and you are not just equivalent, and I am not saying that we exist and you don't. What I am saying is, quite literally, that we and you are one and the same thing!. And I am also certainly not suggesting that we disbelieve in you - to do that would be to deny our OWN existence, no?"
"True."
"Okay then. So, what I'm getting at is that through understanding our 'relationship' to you, to the universe itself, that we come to believe in and understand ourselves even more - that we come to respect ourselves more, and perhaps even take more responsibility - for ourselves, our actions, and our effect on the universe itself. Also, perhaps we will also come to realize that we have essentially unlimited power ourselves, that we can, for example, not only DEFINE good and evil, we can choose to create good and destroy evil - if we so desire. Of course, the converse is also true, but still...I think you follow what I am saying here?"
Light seemed to be dawning on him - he was even beginning to come a bit more into focus, taking on a more familiar shape...
"Yeah, sure. I think so, anyway. Respect is something I can relate to, and I can tell you that lately it's been sadly lacking all the way around. And, if by your understanding the universe and your nature better, and you believing in yourselves even more strongly as a result, it would be more or less the same as believing in me even more, or rather...KNOWING and understanding "god" more concretely. I/we become not only more 'real', but more powerful, and more able to have a real effect on the world. No need to depend on the occasional deluded fool to confuse coincidence with miracle - rather you could do them at will..."
"Well, eventually, perhaps...or even better, do without them completely," I suggested.
"I see," said the image of God, "I'll need to think on this some more. You'll be available to discuss this further sometime, I hope? I think I'm getting a handle on it...it seems reasonable..."
"Sure," I said, with complete magnanimity, "anytime you want, God."
"Okay then. Let's do this again," he then made an odd movement with his right hand near his ear, almost like he was shooting himself in the head, and said, "I'll call you!"
As I looked at him, expecting him to fade away, his image actually began to come much more sharply into focus, and with quite a bit more familiarity as well -- something which made me think he really had gotten the point. It seemed we both came to the same realization at the same time, and briefly, we shared a smile across the universe.
With that, I turned from the mirror, turned off the bathroom light, and made my way to bed, hoping to get a good night's sleep for a change...
****
THE TIN MAN'S HEART
"A heart?" said the Wizard to the Tin Man,
"You want a heart?
My boy, you don't know
how lucky you are not to have one!
You should never have to suffer
the pain that comes
when one gets broken!"
"But Great Wizard", said the Tin Man,
"if I have no heart
then how may I know the joy that comes
when one is full of love?"
"Oh, my boy," said the Wizard to the Tin Man,
"The happiness of Love
is indeed a wonderful thing,
and nothing is more beautiful
to be sure."
"But the pain of a broken heart
is so very terrible
to endure,
and the only thing
that can heal it
is a love much greater
than that which broke it."
The Tin Man sat still for a minute,
considering the Wizard's words,
for he was sure they held more meaning
than it seemed.
But finally, after a while,
The Tin Man answered:
"But still, I want one!"
... And so the Wizard gave the Tin Man a heart, one strong and new and ready to love. And the Wizard also gave the Tin Man some advice...
"My boy, I give you a heart, but let me tell you some things you should know before you use it, things that I wish I had been told many, many years ago when my own heart was young and strong and new."
"Great Wizard", said the Tin Man, "please tell your advice. I've never had a heart before, and I have no wish to break it by not knowing how to use it!"
The Wizard looked at the Tin Man, thinking carefully before he spoke. Finally, he said to the Tin Man, "Be careful of who you love, don't give your love too easily or too fast. But when you find the one who will accept your love, and who you feel you can trust with your heart, give her all of your love, hold nothing back! Do not use it as a weapon to hurt with, nor as a reward to please with. Just give it freely and simply, wholly and completely!"
The Tin Man thought for a moment, and then asked the Wizard, "How will I know when I have found the right one?"
"Oh, my boy! That's no problem. You will know it when you find her! But before you give her your heart, make very sure that you are also the right one for her! Make sure her love for you is greater than any she's had before. And then, my boy, you will know the happiness of loving, and the even greater joy of being loved by another!"
"Thank you, O Great Wizard!" said the Tin Man. "You words are truly wise! I cannot imagine how a man can know these things so well!"
The Wizard said, "My boy, I have lived a long, long life and have learned of many things. My hope is that you can learn these things from me, without the need and pain of learning them for yourself."
The Tin Man thanked the Wizard, and left on his quest to find love. The Wizard watched as the Tin Man became smaller in the distance, and the Emerald City was reflected in the tears that grew in his eyes. "Good luck, Tin Man," whispered the Wizard to himself. "I hope my words will guide you well, but I know and fear that to truly understand them, you will finally have to learn them for yourself."
And then the Wizard closed the door to the Palace of Oz.
The Tin Man was happy as he followed the Yellow Brick Road. The birds singing in the trees filled his heart with joy, and he thought "If something so simple can make one's heart feel so good, then love must surely be a wondrous thing! This thought made him more eager than ever to continue his search...
After a while he stopped along the path and sat down near a fence, beneath a tree. As he sat there enjoying the day, he looked at the heart the Wizard had given him. It was indeed strong and new, and it shined brightly in the sun. A beautiful gold chain held it near the middle of his chest, right where a heart was supposed to be! He held it tightly in his hands, closed his eyes and smiled. As he sat there, he fell asleep and dreamed of love...
When he awoke, he was startled to see a rabbit, a very LARGE rabbit, sitting nearby and watching him intently. It was a very beautiful large rabbit, about 4 feet tall, with silky golden fur, a white tail, and pink eyes that seemed to hold more intelligence than a rabbit should have. And the Tin Man was even more surprised when the Rabbit spoke:
"You're awake!"
"Yes, well, I guess I am!" said the Tin Man, "But I'm not really sure...I don't often have conversations with rabbits!"
"Well, maybe you should try it more often," said the Rabbit, "you might learn something!"
"That's possible," said the Tin Man, "but I couldn't say. What could a rabbit talk about besides carrots and other rabbit-type things?"
"Well," said the Rabbit, that depends on what kind of a rabbit you are talking too!"
"Oh, I see. I never thought of it like that before. So, Giant Rabbit, what kind of rabbit are you?"
"I'm a Giant Rabbit..." came the rabbit's answer.
"Gee thanks, I never would have guessed..." began the Tin Man...
"...from Finland!" continued the Rabbit.
"From Finland!" exclaimed the ever more surprised Tin Man, "Aren't you a long way from home?"
"No. I said I am from Finland, that doesn't mean I live there!"
The Tin Man, while quite amazed with the overall situation, what with a giant talking rabbit and all, was getting a bit irritated with the rabbit's attitude, but something made him go on... "Oh, okay then, what do giant, talking, Finnish rabbits know?"
"That all depends. What do you want to know?"
"Tell me about love," came the Tin Man's reply.
"Sorry, you're on your own about that!" said the Rabbit, "But you tell me, why would a Tin Man want to know about love?"
"Well, because now I have new heart!" said the Tin Man with pride as he showed it to the Rabbit, "And now I am out looking for love! Maybe you know where to find some?"
The rabbit admired the heart, obviously strong and new, and he felt that he should try to help
the Tin Man if he could. He said, "Sorry again. If I knew where to find love, I'd be there myself right now! But I can tell you this: You won't find love, at least not a good one, if you're out looking for it! Usually, it finds you when you don't expect it. You should just go back to the city, get a job, and see what happens! You know what they say, 'a watched pot never boils!', and if you spend all your time looking for love, you may never find it and then you'll have wasted your fine new heart and all of your life looking for something and never even knowing what it was you were looking for! Just live and enjoy your life, and when the time is right love will find you!"
"Are you sure?" asked the Tin Man skeptically.
"Sure, I'm sure! Rabbits never speak unless we're sure!" said the Rabbit. And then he turned and hopped away into the forest.
The Tin Man sat beneath the tree for a while longer, thinking about what the rabbit had said.
Finally, he seemed to make a decision, and a mix of disappointment and hopeful expectation came to his eyes. He stood up, looked around, and began walking once again, his heart swaying gently on it's chain with his steady gait.
"From Finland!" he said to himself, "They have Giant Rabbits in Finland! Amazing!"
and later "...I wonder where this Finland is?"
****
I AM A CYNIC
I was once informed that I was a "cynic". This came quite out of the blue, from a seemingly nice old lady seated next to me at the bar. It was quite an astute observation, I noted after some reflection, considering I hadn't previously met her, and hadn't said a word to her prior to that moment.
I had stopped by the Pata Ässä, a bit of a dive located in an older quarter of Helsinki, for a beer. It was February 1998, as I recall. I had not long before lost my business and shortly thereafter my home, and me and my family had rented an apartment from the friend of an acquaintance of a former business associate who was himself renting the flat for a friend who was traveling for the winter and wouldn't need it for at least the next several weeks.
For those of you unfamiliar with Helsinki, and that particular time of year there, I can only say that if one is to be a cynic, then that's the time and place to be one. February in Helsinki is perhaps the epitome of dreariness, and cynicism cannot really be experienced to its fullest without a good dose of dreariness. Sure, there may be worse places in the world - perhaps some small village in Afghanistan or perhaps a hovel in the slums of Mexico City could be considered as "worse" places, but they don't, I think, really embody dreariness quite the way that February in Helsinki can, and dreariness is needed for true cynicism, and Helsinki in February is really the only place to be for it.
Evidently she had just overheard my comments to another patron to my left who had asked my opinion, as a foreigner and resident of Finland, of the current prime minister who had just laid the blame of a pretty shady banking scandal involving one of his friends at the feet of a female minister. My opinion of the whole thing wasn't very flattering (although I am quite sure it was entirely accurate), and with a grunt the inquiring patron moved off for more affable climes on the other side of the establishment.
Absent-mindedly watching him make his way through the crowd, I sipped my beer and lit a cigarette, and wondered if I'd yet worked up the courage to go home to face my wife's back again. It was a toss-up between spending another sorely needed 13 Finnish marks on another (also sorely needed!) beer, or going back out into the snowy night, the windswept streets and minus 30 centigrade temperatures for the walk across town to the apartment we were renting while looking for a more permanent place for my family to live. Having no job and very little money didn't really help the situation much (but I can say with some certainly that it probably added to the dreariness and greatly enhanced whatever cynicism possessed at the time).
When I reached for the ashtray , a rather firm, feminine, and somewhat elderly voice was heard just above the din of the bar to my right,
"You're quite the cynic, aren't you?"
"Umm, good evening," I managed to say with something between a frown and a smile. "I'm sorry, but I don't think we've met, have we?"
It turned out her name was "Merja" and she appeared to be in her late fifties or early sixties. She worked as a librarian at the city library (where's she's worked for the past 30-plus years!) not far from the bar. She'd gotten off of work and stopped by for a drink. As it was then about 1:00 am, I felt compelled to ask her just how late was that library open …
"Well, the library is open until about 10:00 p.m., but I got off work at 6:00 p.m. Why?"
"Oh, it's just that this seems hardly the place a librarian would hang out at, is all. What is it that brings someone like you to a place like this?"
"How original!" she began, "But anyway, you do realize that there's quite a high frequency of alcoholism in Finland, don't you? Librarians aren't excluded, you know, and a bar situated more or less half-way between my work and flat seems like a good place for a stopover before going home to keep myself company. It can get quite lonely living alone, especially at my age, and even more so in the winter when it's more or less always cold and dark."
I have to admit, I thought for a second this was the beginning of some weird come-on, and even toyed with the idea of responding for a fraction of that second - it had been too long since….well anyway, I couldn't really bring myself to go for it. Not because of her - for her age she was attractive enough, I guess; at least she wasn't unattractive, and she was fairly pleasant to talk to in a humorously sarcastic sort of way, and interesting despite (or because of?) being a librarian. But I did still have hopes that things would work out with my wife and I do like to look her in the eyes when we're together, something I don't think I could do should I ever cheat on her.
But anyway, I was flattering myself. It soon became clear there was no invitation, implied or otherwise; she was just stating things the way they were. Oh, I am sure that with some effort on my part…but again, that's just pointless speculation (and perhaps a bit more self-flattery?).
Just to be friendly, I agreed with her that there was indeed quite a large problem with alcoholism in Finland, and that of course, under no circumstances should librarians need to be left out of it… …….TO BE CONTINUED - OR NOT?!? = //UNDER CONSTRUCTION\\ =
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